Safe Connections

Young People and the Internet: A Guide for Parents

This parent resource is the product of a collaborative project in­volving the following partners:

Nillumbik Community Health Service

Eltham High School

Eltham East Primary School

St Helena Secondary College

Diamond Valley College

Montmorency Secondary College

Catholic Ladies College

Loyola College

Nillumbik Council

The project has been funded by School Focused Youth Service.

 

Contents

1. Introduction

2. Cybersafety

3. Cyber bullying and Harassment

4. Sexual Assault and Sexual Harassment

5. Frequently Asked Questions by Parents

6. Filters

7. Mobile Phones

8. Useful Websites

9. Local Services for Young People

10. Statewide and 24 hour Service for Young People

11. References

1. Introduction

There has been much written in the popular media recently about the risks associated with modern technology, in particular mobile phone and internet use. Stories rightly highlight the need for parents and young people to be vigilant in protecting themselves from such issues as: cyber space bullying and harassment, danger associated with stran­gers young people could meet through the internet, viruses, spy ware, identity fraud, and exposure to pornography. Highlighting these risks also raises a sense of fear and incomprehension in parents about how to best protect their children from the outside world, particularly now that the outside world is coming into our homes through such technology.

This parent resource was developed to help address parent concerns and is the result of a collaborative project called Safe Connections, funded by School Focused Youth Services. This project was based in Nillumbik/Banyule and involves schools, local community agencies and the Victoria Police looking at the issue of cyber space safety, in particular addressing the risks of cyber space bullying and harassment and the danger associated with strangers young people could meet through the internet. Information about the other risks mentioned above can be obtained by visiting the websites listed in this pack.

Young people’s use of the internet is one way that young people can connect with their peers, experiment with who they are and take risks. There are many opportunities that come with modern technology for young people, however similar to other choices young people face during this time, one of the key factors that will help them negotiate modern technology is their relationship with you and your willingness and openness to talk with them about the choices that they face on the internet.

We hope you find this resource useful.

Leesa Womersley

Project Worker

Nillumbik Community Health Service

July 2007

2. Cybersafety - How can you help?

Whilst many parents of young people today are not as technologically competent as their children, it is important to remember that working with young people about their technology use and safety relies on ideas about safety that apply in everyday life. For example, just as we would encourage our chil­dren not to give out personal information to stran­gers they meet offline, we would encourage them to think about not giving out personal information to strangers they meet online. It is not a completely new set of skills; it just requires you to be open to expanding your knowledge about an unfamiliar environment - the computer.

3. Cyber Bullying and Harassment

Cyber bullying and harassment refers to the use of tech­nology to bully or harass. It can take place via the use of mobile phones and text messages, the use of cameras on phones and via the internet. The distribution of embar­rassing photos, email, social networking sites, such as the creation of false profiles or the altering of existing profiles/photos can be highly distressing to young peo­ple. Cyber-bullying takes advantage of young people’s reliance on mobile phones as a form of communication and socializing. It also relies on the large numbers of people who may actively participate or may see the em­barrassing material online.

Many young people are not telling their parents about risky situations on the internet for fear that their parents will ban them from using the internet. Talk with your children about the possibility of this happening and to­gether come up with a set of strategies to implement that is acceptable to you both if this should occur. The last thing you want is for them to start to hide what they are doing and what is happening to them on the internet.

Ways that you can help your child if she/he is experiencing cyber bullying:

Encourage your child to talk to you, and most of all remain calm.

Visit websites about cyberbullying with your child to gather strategies that you can then discuss together (see useful web site sheet).

Encourage your child not to erase or delete messages.

Copy or print out websites displaying offensive messages or material about your child.

Encourage your child to resist replying to nasty messages or participating in angry aggressive conversations.

Encourage your child to allow someone else to check any messages they receive from unknown or private numbers. This will save them from having to listen to more offensive messages.

Don’t take phone or internet access away (this creates a sense of blame) but encour age your child to take a break for a few days.

Encourage your child to start a new profile with no identifying information if there is a website they wish to continue using.

Encourage your child to put the person/people on block or ignore if possible.

Talk to your internet service provider or mobile phone provider. Have your mobile phone provider change your number if needed.

Talk to your local police.

Talk with your child’s school if the issue in volves others at the school.

My son/daughter won’t take a break from their mobile phone or the internet despite being bul­lied, what should I do?

This can be incredibly frustrating for parents, who of­ten think that to just stop the use of the technology will shield their children from some of the pain or stress they are experiencing. Try and remember what it was like to be an adolescent and how keen many adolescents are to fit in, make friends and stay connected.

If your child is really reluctant to take a break try not to get into a power struggle over internet or mobile phone use. You might like to try and suggest taking a break for a smaller amount of time, such as an hour of not check­ing their phone initially. Suggest that they let you or an­other trusted adult/friend screen messages on the phone or on their online profile first so she/he doesn’t have to read/hear nasty messages. Another option is to chal­lenge them to try their way one day and then the next to try your way. Ask them to try this at least twice before making a decision about whose way is best.

Should I talk to their school?

Increasingly young people are reporting that those bul­lying or harassing them are young people that they know offline, thus it is more than likely that any bullying that is happening online is affecting your child’s offline life, namely school. As mentioned earlier, one of the signs that your child is having difficulty may be a reluctance to go to school.

As with any kind of bullying young people are often reluctant for parents to talk with their school for fear that it will make things worse. However, schools may be able to offer support for your child whilst they are there, may have also noticed a change and may have extra ideas around how to move forward with the situ­ation. Talk with your child beforehand about how they think the school could help. In particular, ask them what things would make them feel more comfortable about approaching the school. This will assist you to negoti­ate with school personnel on behalf of your child. Talk with them about the various staff within the school and whom they would feel more comfortable for you to talk to (home room teacher, year level coordinator, school welfare staff or even a classroom/subject teacher they particularly like).

4. Sexual Assault or Sexual Harassment

One of the significant risks that concerns parents about their child’s use of the internet is the risk of paedophiles making contact with young people. Paedophiles do use the internet to meet young peo­ple. Furthermore, similar to the real world, adults wishing to abuse young people use strategies to at­tract young people. The application of such strate­gies is often referred to as “grooming”. Predators will groom by learning about the young people, pre­tend to like the things/music/movies/gadgets that young people like, send gifts, use flattery, and at­tempt to get in the way of relationships with parents where possible through acting as an understanding confidant. They will do this over a period of time to gain young people’s trust and will do this in secret.

It is also possible for young people to be victims of “abusive cybersex”. This may include:

being coerced into sexualized conversations that the young person is not comfortable about.

encouragement of the young person to send or receive pornographic images.

being forced to do something online that does not feel right.

It is important to remember that just like online bul­lying; the impact of abusive cybersex can be ex­tremely distressing for the recipient.

Ways that you can support your Child:

If your child is in immediate danger please dial 000.

Be careful not to use blaming or judge mental language. This is particularly important if your child has been the victim of a sexual crime as a result of their internet use. It is important to remember that your young person is not at fault for any sexual assault they may have experienced, despite whatever choices they may have made.

To report inappropriate or illegal online contact with your child please contact your local police or the Online Child Sex Exploitation Team (OCSET) a unit of the Australian Federal Police. ‘Netalert’ can also assist you in making a report to OCSET. They are available on 1800 880 176, 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday. Alternatively you can make an online report to OCSET, via the following website, https://www.afp.gov.au/online_forms/ocset_form

Contact your local Centre against Sexual Assault. These centres provide support and counselling for victims of sexual assault and their families. In the north the number for North Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault is 9496 2240 during business hours. For after hours assistance the Sexual Assault Crisis Team can be contacted on 1800 806 292 from 5pm until 9 am.

For more detailed information about how paedophiles develop contact with children over time and what to do if you suspect that your child is being groomed by an online predator http://www.netsafe.com.nz/ has a comprehensive section on grooming and how to respond.

Contact your internet service provider and website hosts.

5. Frequently Asked Questions by Parents:

a. What are the warning signs that my son/daughter might be having trouble with something/someone on the internet or their mobile phone?

It is often difficult to determine if a young person is having trouble stemming from their computer or mobile phone use, particularly as many of the signs can also be seen as normal adolescent behaviour. However the following is a list of some of the signs you may wish to keep on eye out for if you suspect that there might be something not quite right.

A sudden change in their use of the internet or mobile phone (this could be using the technology more than normal, using it less than normal or not at all).

An increased level of secrecy about what they are doing on the internet or who phone calls/text messages are from.

Distress or moodiness following internet use, phone calls or text messages.

Reluctance to attend school for no apparent reason.

Reluctance to answer their mobile phone.

b. What should I say or do if I suspect they are having problems?

Research with young people about their internet and mobile phone use, tells us that most young people are reluctant to talk with their parents about concerns with their internet or mobile phones for fear that they will be banned from using them. To prevent this happening it will help if you have established a “no blame” un­derstanding with your child by previously discussing with them the importance of talking to you about any issues that may arise from their use of the technology.

If you do suspect that your child is having problems do try and talk with them in a calm and non-judgmen­tal manner. Tell them you have noticed that they seem distressed/distracted/upset recently and that you are worried. Reassure them that you want to help and will talk with them to help them resolve the issue. Revisit the offer over time.

Many adolescents use the technology to connect and establish their friendships and identity, this is normal adolescent development. It can be frustrating and bewildering if your child has appeared to make decisions that place themselves in some kind of jeopardy. It is important however to bear in mind that they are not responsible for other people’s abusive or harassing behaviour.

c. How do I deal with my frustration about all the time my child spends on the internet and always wanting their mobile phone with them, and how do I avoid getting into a power battle with them over computer and mobile phone use?

Try talking with other parents of adolescents and it most likely won’t take long for you to find another parent struggling with the same issues. Remember that it has always been normal for adolescents to take risks, to experiment to some degree with whom they are and to practice making friendships and connecting with oth­ers. The computer for many of today’s adolescents is one way of doing this, and whilst we may not desire or enjoy spending hours on it, many adolescents do. Likewise the mobile phone is a means of remaining connected when they cannot be physically close to others, so it is not a surprise that most adolescents won’t move without their mobile phone.

Do your research around the risks of internet use, talk to your friends/other parents about what they think is reasonable, talk with your own child about what you each want and then make some decisions. Remember, how you make these decisions and where you draw the line will be different depending on the age and matu­rity of your child (you need to consider the use of the technology for school work as well as recreation), but it is appropriate for you as parents to be involved in decisions such as how long your son/daughter uses the internet for, what sites they visit, and whether they have their mobile phones with them in their bedrooms at night.

As with other decisions you make as a parent, your child may make a sustained effort to shift your stance. You may be made to feel that your decision will disadvantage your child’s skill development with the tech­nology or disrupt their social connections. If you suspect that this will be a contentious issue prepare your­self in advance for your child’s distress or anger.

Things to think about or remember may include:

d. I believe my son/daughter is using the internet to access sites that might encourage negative thoughts, such as suicide. What should I do?

It can be an incredibly frightening and overwhelming experience to discover or be concerned that your child is having thoughts of hurting themselves. If you are concerned that your son/daughter is accessing sites that might be encouraging negative thoughts, such as suicide, it is important that you talk with your child about your concerns. Remain calm and try to open up a conversation that enables them to talk about their distress/concerns/sadness. Let them know that you are worried, that you would like to talk with them when they are ready, and that you are prepared to listen to them about what would help them at this point in time. If they are unable to talk with you, encourage them to think about who they might be able to talk with, including professional help. For a list of support services, see list of local and emergency contacts in this pack. You could also use these support numbers for yourself if you are unsure about how to approach this conversation or if your child refuses to access support at this point in time.

6. Filters

For many people that don’t have access to filters it can be a daunting task to even know where to start looking for a filter, let alone installing it on your home compu­ter. Modern filters can perform a range of functions that will meet different needs depending on the age of your child. In addition to blocking inappropriate content, filters can allow you to:

set different levels of access for different users,

set time limits on the amount of time individual users can access the internet,

check sites visited.

The Federal Government have launched a scheme where parents can access free filters. Information about this program can be obtained from http://www.netalert.gov.au/.

The following tips may help you start the process of investigating filters:

Information about filters is available on www.cybersmartkids.com.au/for-parents_filters-and-labels.htm , or http://www.netalert.gov.au/03758-What-is-a-Filter.asp

Filters are available from retail stores that sell computer software and also via the internet. Some internet service providers also provide access to filters; look for information on the home page of your ISP.

It is important to remember that filters are only one part of an overall strategy of supporting and communicating openly with your children about internet use.

Once installed filters need to be reviewed periodically to ensure that they are still meeting your family needs - different filters and different levels of blocking will be required depending on your children’s age.

7. Mobile Phones

Like internet use, mobile phones can often be a source of conflict and disagreement between parents and children. The following is a list of tips and suggestions that you might like to think about in relation to mo­bile phones.

When purchasing a mobile phone, or if you have already purchased a mobile phone, check out what extra services come with the package you are thinking of getting. In particular, pay attention to 3G internet enabled mobile phones. These services do not have filters, and it is worth considering whether your child really needs access to the internet all the time.

Try to think through what the purpose of the mobile phone will be. This may help you decide whether each child in your family needs their own phone or whether one or two phones that can be shared between family members for use when your children go out may suffice.

Like the boundaries that you can set around internet use, it is important to make an agreement with your child about their mobile phone use. Talk with friends, other parents and your children about how the phone may be used. You may want to consider whether your child is allowed to take the mobile phone into their room at night, whether there is a time at night where it is switched off, and whether they are allowed to take the phone on holidays or family outings.

Talk with your child about what to do if they are being bullied via SMS text messages (see What to do if your child is having problems tip sheet).

Talk with your child about what you consider to be appropriate and inappropriate use of mobile phones. This may include the sending of abusive text messages, the use of mobile phone cameras and the downloading of extras, such as ring tones.

Check the potential costs of any contract you are entering into on behalf of your child and agree with your child what to do if costs exceed an agreed amount or if they run out of credit.

8. Useful Websites

There is a large amount of information available on cybersafety on the internet. It is important to re­member that information on the internet may vary in its quality and authenticity. Most of the following websites are from Australia and New Zealand.

In addition to using the web, don’t forget to visit your local library. Yarra Plenty Library has a selec­tion of books available for loan on internet safety. Searching their catalogue for “internet safety” will also take you to a number of useful links on the in­ternet.

http://www.netalert.gov.au/

This website includes safety tips, information about filters, and explains common terms and sites that young people are accessing. Includes tips for par­ents of children of all ages, starting from 2 years of age, including free programs parents can access to work through with their children. This website also provides “A parent’s guide to internet safety” which is available via the internet or a paper copy can be requested on 1800 880 176.

Netalert also has a telephone advice line on 1800880 176 (standard business hours) to assist parents with concerns or enquiries that they have. This website has been established by Netalert Limited, a not for profit organisation funded by the Australian Federal Government.

http://www.netsafe.org.nz/

This is another comprehensive website with lots of information for young people and parents. It in­cludes information about paedophiles making con­tact and how they gain access to young people on the internet and information about how to talk with your children about cybersafety. This article can be found by following the link to “Articles” and then “General Cybersafety” topics.

http://www.hectorsworld.com/

This website provides a range of resources to help 2-10 year olds learn about cybersafety. Includes animations where sea animal characters learn about keeping safe online.

http://www.cybersmartkids.com.au/

This easy to access website has tips for parents and young people around safe use of the internet. Tips are also broken down into age appropriate strate­gies. It also includes some tips around mobile phone use.• • • •

http://www.ConnectSafely.org/

This website is an interactive website for parents and teens about internet safety. Parents can ask questions about internet safety and receive answers from other parents as well as the conveners of the site. Easy to use, provides parents with an opportu­nity to experience social networking about a useful topic.

http://www.stoptextbully.com/

Website with tips and information for parents and young people about text bullying.

http://www.bullyingnoway.com.au/

‘Bullying. No way!’ is a national resource provided by Australia’s Government, Caholic and Independ­ant education authorities. This website has useful information about bullying.

http://www.commonsense.com/

Practical guide for parents includes tips and explains terms and sites that young people often access.

http://kids.getnetwise.org/safetyguide/teens/

Safety tips for young people by young people.

9. Local Services for Young People

The Austin & Repatriation Medical Centre Child & Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS):

Austin CAMHS offers a wide range of free mental health care services for children and adolescents under the age of 18. The service provides assessment, case management and treatment for children, adolescents and their families or carers where children and adolescents are experiencing emotional, psychological or psychiat­ric problems. Treatment may include individual, family and group therapies. The Outpatient Service covers the municipalities of Yarra, Boroondara, Darebin, Whittle­sea, Banyule and Nillumbik in metropolitan Melbourne. Adolescent inpatient care is also offered to the residents of North Eastern rural Victoria. Child Inpatient Care (12 years of age and under) is offered statewide.

General enquiries (Intake operates 9:00am- 5:00pm, Monday - Friday).

Ph: (03) 9496 3620

Berry Street Victoria Northern Services:

The Berry Street Victoria Community Resource Centre is an independent, non-profit and professional resource for the benefit of the North-East metropolitan commu­nity. They offer a range of supportive programs and services to families and individuals free of charge, i.e. Family Counselling, Adolescent Mediation & Family Therapy ‘MATTERS’, Adolescent Support Program, Fi­nancial Counselling, Children’s Support Outreach and Emergency Relief.

Open 9:00 am - 5:00 pm Monday to Friday or evenings by appointment.

165 Burgundy St, Heidelberg

Ph: (03) 9458 5788

Child Protection Society (CPS):

The Child Protection Society has a Family Support Agency entitled Alys Keys Family Care which provides a range of services to children, young people and their families from Banyule and Nillumbik, i.e. Individual, Couple & Family Counselling; Group Work, In Home Support; and Training & Professional Development.

70 Altona St, West Heidelberg

Ph: (03) 9458 3566

Northern Centre Against Sexual Assault (CASA):

Northern CASA responds to the specific needs of vic­tims of sexual assault as well as their families, partners and friends. CASA offers a variety of services to resi­dents of Yarra, Darebin, Banyule, Nillumbik and Whit­tlesea, including crisis care, medical attention and sup­port following an assault, face-to-face medium term counselling, telephone counselling and support, referral, advocacy, group work, information about medical and legal issues, specialised Youth Outreach Team, outreach counselling at Lalor and Reservoir.

Counselling: (03) 9496 2240

A/H Crisis Line, Toll Free: 1800 806 292

Banyule Community Health Services (BCHS):

The Banyule Community Health Service Inc. (BCHS) provides a wide range of health and welfare services to all people within the City of Banyule and surrounding areas. The BCHS offers free services to young people who have questions or concerns about sexuality, preg­nancy & abortion, drug & alcohol issues, quitting smok­ing, relationships, general health issues, diabetes, asth­ma. Staffed by Community Health Nurses the service provides support, counselling, information, education, and referral to a range of other services including hous­ing workers, doctors, financial counsellors, and drug & alcohol workers.

This service operates from 8:30 a.m. -5:30 pm Monday to Friday.

West Heidelberg Greensborough

Ph: (03) 9450 2000 (03) 9433 5111

Nillumbik Community Health Service:

Nillumbik Community Health Service is a quality, ac­credited, not-for-profit health service. The Centre offers a range of service to the community, such as counselling and case work, dental, emergency financial relief, needle exchange and legal advice. The Centre also provides a specialist counselling and support service for young peo­ple and their families (12 - 18 years of age). The Centre assists young people with concerns about personal rela­tionships, family relationships, drugs & alcohol, health & sexuality, study skills, stress and time management, depression, abuse, eating awareness, and school. The service is confidential and free.

917 Main Rd

Eltham, VIC 3095

Ph: (03) 9431 133314

10. Statewide and 24 Hour Services for Young People

Emergency:

In case of an emergency dial 000 to access emergency services (Police, Fire and Ambulance) anywhere in Australia. When calling 000 from a fixed phone line (not your mobile), the emergency communications cen­tre is automatically provided with the billing address of that telephone. Therefore, emergency services can respond even if the caller cannot give accurate location details.

Ph: 000 or 112 from a mobile phone

Kids Help Line:

Kids Help Line is a 24-hour national counselling service for young people aged 5 to 18 years. It is free, anonymous and confidential. You can chat to a counsellor over the Internet online or directly by phone.

Ph: 180055 1800

http://www.kidshelp.com.au/

LifeLine:

Lifeline is an anonymous and confidential 24-hour telephone counselling, information and referral service. If Lifeline can’t help you, they can refer to the appropriate organisation, service or individual that can.

Ph: 13 11 14

Parentline Information and Advice for Parents:

Parentline is a 24-hour telephone counselling, information and referral service for parents of children from birth to 18 years of age. Parentline is a confidential and anonymous service.

Ph: 132289

http://www.parentline.vic.gov.au/

Centre Against Sexual Assault (CASA):

CASA provides 24-hour crisis care and counselling telephone services offering support, information and advice to adult victims of sexual assault.

After Hours Sexual Assault Crisis Team 1800 806 292

Suicide Helpline Victoria:

A 24-hour crisis counselling and referral telephone service coordinated by Lifeline and Care Ring.

Ph: 1300 651 251

http://www.infoxchange.net.au/suicidehelpline/index.html

11. References

The information in this parent resource is a compilation of the author’s accumu­lated knowledge in the area of cyber safety and other sources, including texts, websites and pamphlets. The following is a list of the sources that the author drew from in developing this resource.

Australian Communications and Media Authority, (2006), Cyber Smart Guide, Help your kids make the most of the internet - safely, pamphlet.

Australian Communications and Media Authority, http://www.cybersmartkids.com.au/ . Accessed July 2007.

Connell, R. (2004), Cyber Stalking, Abusive cyber sex and Online Grooming: a Programme of Education for Teenagers, Cyberspace Research Unit, University of Central Lancashire

Magid, L. and collier, A. (2007), MySpace Unraveled: What it is and how to use it safely, Peachpit Press, United States of America.

NetAlert Limited, (2005), A Parent’s guide to Internet Safety, NetAlert Limited, Tasmania.

NetRatings Australia Pty Ltd for the Australian Broadcasting Authority and Netalert Limited, (2005), Kidsonline@home, Internet Use in Australian homes, Sydney.

Netsafe - The Internet Safety Group, http://www.netsafe.org.nz/. Accessed July 2007

Putting U in the picture - Mobile bullying survey 2005, http://www.stoptextbully.com/. Accessed July 2007.